I wish I didn’t have these cycles of gaining and losing weight.  Perhaps my resolution should really be to practice moderation consistently so that I didn’t allow myself a binge every now and then.  Yes, the food is good.  No, DELICIOUS.  But, do I really want to feel like I have to have a long recovery and rebuilding process to get back to where I want to be?  Not really.

But, I do know the formula.  That is something I have definitely perfected.  The knowledge has been learned, put into practice over and over again.  Weight loss is a science, that’s for sure.

While I have reached my goal, I hope you find value in the archives of my blog.  I don’t post as much as I used to, and when I do it seems to be with some simple revelation of something, somehow, I knew all along.  But, I will try to provide some tips here and there of things that have worked for me or to commiserate with you if I have fallen slightly off the wagon.  (I think my lifestyle changes are implanted well enough that I will never fully revert back to what I used to be, but everyone has setbacks — such is life! — and post-holiday blues are always a little tough on anyone, not to mention those with tendencies to overeat.  The holidays always provide so many food temptations!

In fact, I need to refocus, double up efforts, and sweat off an extra ten pounds or so.  I’m a little higher than I’d like to be right now, so I am going to start off the week tomorrow with a weigh-in.  I hate to see the scale, but I promise to report what it reads no matter how embarrassing!

1. jog 30 minutes straight on the treadmill
2. get back to 148 pounds
3. do 10 pushups

I got to 30 minutes this morning, over a month early!  I was so pumped and extended my previous best by almost a third (my last attempt was 21 minutes) but I got in such a groove that I didn’t want to quit.  Hopefully I won’t “feel it” tomorrow morning.  Anyway, I’m pumped — the best feeling to carry you right into the weekend!  Have a good one everybody!

Well, I’d like to be able to tell you that I have done wonderfully well in maintenance mode, but I can’t.  I have sucked big time!  I have so many conflicting emotions.  I’m not handling things well right now.  Not at ALL.  Four out of the last five days have been complete binge-fests, in which I have consumed more than 4000 calories each of those days.  (Mostly chocolate, by the way.)  After three days in a row, I thought I had made it clear to myself that it was going to stop.  Yesterday, I ate 922.  Today, it was 4019.  Obviously, I had not learned my lesson and that healthy, responsible eating was short-lived.

Today I made my mother late for a very important appointment because the place I wanted to go to for lunch was not convenient and as a result she couldn’t make it to where she needed to go on time.  (She met me for an appointment that I had and had to go somewhere else afterwards.)  The trouble is, she is too kind-hearted and didn’t want to hurt my feelings.  Not only was the place I chose one of the most fattening places to eat on the planet, but it lead me to continue bad choices afterwards.  I ate wonderfully for breakfast (lean protein and fruit) but from lunch time on was horrendous.  I’m sucking on a chocolate lollipop as I type this, if you can stomach that honesty!

I feel like crap. 

Maintenance sucks.

I’m not good at this.

However, being the bleeding heart optimist that I am, I have once again decided that “tomorrow” is going to be the day.  I think in order for this maintenance mode to be successful, I am going to have to have other goals other than just weight maintenance.  I’ve decided, despite how POOR at it I am, that exercise and strength training will do me good.  Not only will regular exercise help me re-lose these TWELVE pounds that I’ve put back on (remember the promise to myself that I’d never regain more than ten?  Well, that is shot to H-E-double hockey sticks) but it will give me better muscle tone, greater endurance, and an outlet for stress other than food!

So, my alarm is set for 4:25.  The YMCA opens at 5am and if I can get there and back before about 6:30, I might make it back home before my youngest daughter wakes up.  Most of my prior excuses about going to the Y have been that I couldn’t schedule it with child care because my preschooler doesn’t like being left there without me around.  Well, my husband has volunteered to play Mom if she wakes up before I get back.

Actually, he and I are going to try to alternate days so that we can both work our way to better physical fitness. 

I know it seems like a long way off, but August 3rd is the day by which I would like to be back at 148 pounds.  That’s 11 weeks away, so with 12 pounds to lose, it’s certainly doable.  I’ve chosen August 3rd because that will be the two-year anniversary of the beginning of my blog.  By August 3rd, I want to have (re) lost the twelve pounds I gained, be able to run a 5K distance without stopping to walk, and do ten push-ups — which is an average for a woman my age according to this push-up fitness test.  (Right now I can’t do any, so this would be a HUGE accomplishment, as I have so little upper body strength.)  Between the huge increase in cardio and the workouts my muscles will be getting, my metabolism should get a big boost and those pounds should come back off.

Right now I feel sluggish, lazy, and fat.  Hopefully tomorrow the sun will be shining, my attitude will be positive and I’ll be well on my way to meeting my goals.

This blog posting should dispel any rumors that I am some sort of weight loss super-woman.  Yes, losing 120 pounds was great.  Yes, I look better, feel better, yada yada yada… but I am human and I’ve erred big time.  I just have to forgive myself and move on.  I CAN DO THAT!  I promise.

Keep me in your prayers.

I still can’t say that my current weight is right for me, or that I am happy with the way my body appears in front of a mirror, but it’s the only body I have, and in its current condition is much healthier than it has been in a long LONG time.

I have been weighing the comments I’ve received publicly and privately from site visitors, friends, neighbors and family.  I appreciate all of them!

Here’s what I have decided:

• I am going to “up” my daily intake of calories from roughly 1200 to roughly 1300.  This number of calories, based on my current weight/height/age should (all other constants remaining the same) still result in slight weight loss of 3/4 pound per week, or roughly three pounds in a month.
• After three months, if I have not gained or lost more than five pounds total, I am going to up it again to 1400 calories — repeating the same evaluation every three months and upping the daily calories by 100 until I get up to about 1700 per day without losing or gaining more than a handful of pounds.
• (One drawback to being in maintenance mode I’ve found is that by allowing myself to increase my calories, I have not changed much of menu choices during the day and get to the end of the day realizing that I still have about 100 calories left to consume.  Rather than eat something healthy, I’ve been having a night-time snack of something sweet or salty.  Sure, I’m limiting it to about 100 calories, but I feel like it is kind of wasted — useless eating.  Note to self:  I need to plan a little better going forward.)

HOWEVER

• I am going to try (hard) to do some form of strength training at least twice per week (preferably three or four times) to try and replace some of the remaining fat with leaner muscle mass.  I think I am a little too gaunt-looking and that I am not as strong as I’d like to be.
• The increased strength training will add a little muscle weight, I know, which is ok — by increasing my calories and my metabolism, I hope that my resulting weight actually stays about the same.

P.S.  I did update my Progress Photos page (link at the top of the page) with the 148 pounds picture, but here is another one taken over the weekend that spares you the shot in the blue shirt that hangs on me now.  That’s me with my oldest daughter Maria.

The scale doesn't lie!

148 pounds (120 pounds lost)

I’m wearing a size 10 jeans in the picture.  My husband says my thighs are too skinny.  He’s right.  Now that I’ve met my original goal of losing 100 pounds and then also the revised goal to lose 20 more, I have more up my sleeve.  I’ll fill you in on all the details of my future goals sometime soon.  For now, I need to get some sleep.  I’ve had a busy weekend!

The scale for weekly weigh-in this morning reported 149.  I lost the remaining binge pounds from a couple weeks ago and a couple more to finally break the 150 barrier.  Of the 120 pounds I wanted to lose, I only have one more.  But hey, guess what, now I’m thinking about revising my goal to 140.  I’m not sure though.  I stepped on the Wii Fit today while I had a little bit of spare time and it told me (again, the nag!) that an ideal weight for me would be 140.  Hmm.  Whatever.

I don’t exactly know why I want to continue in weight “loss” mode.  Do I want to look or feel better, be more toned, meet some standard Nintendo (makers of the Wii system) has for me?  Maybe I am worried about how successful I will be in MAINTENANCE mode!  Yikes.

I got $10 in Kohls Cash emailed to me over the weekend and I decided to go shopping!  I browsed the clearance rack and bought two pair of pants (one jeans and one denim leggings) both in a size 10!  My husband bought me size 12 pants for Christmas and I’m already feeling them loosen up — not too loose yet, so I get to enjoy them a while longer, but they’re definitely loose.  I’m wearing my new size 10 jeans today and I love the way they look.  If they had a straight leg rather than a boot cut, I’d love them even more, but considering the $3.60 price tag (90% off the original $36 price) I’m “dealing with it”, ha ha!

I guess since I have revised my original plan to now include an extra 20 pounds, you might get to see my lovely blue shirt two more times, ha ha! But, since that lovely blue shirt isn’t getting any lovelier the smaller I get, I will throw in a couple of photos that show something that fits a bit better. I love the color red, and this pretty sweater is what I wore today. The jeans actually used to belong to my husband when he was in marching band in high school. I really need to get some ladies jeans because although the hips fit nice, the waist is too big. I’m just changing sizes so rapidly now that I hate to actually spend money on stuff that will only fit for a month. Now that I’ve gone through the couple of college jeans that I was saving (that are now too big, yay!) and I’ve resorted to wearing my mom’s old clothes and rummage sale bargains, I’m looking forward to hitting that maintenance stage more than ever so that I can buy a set of clothes that I know will be used for a longer period of time and not get outgrown so quickly!

The other pictures in this posting are of the scale that reads 168, my resized rings, and one of me and John together. (In hindsight, I should have had him pick me up, as he seems to enjoy doing that these days, but simply getting my kids to take time out of their busy day to snap this shot was trouble enough!

Here is the proof that I actually lost the 100 pounds. As you may recall from yesterday, I woke up to 168 on the scale but didn’t have the camera close by. When I went back upstairs with the camera after breakfast, I couldn’t get the darn scale to read anything lower than 169!

My rings fit!

I then went downstairs to get the kids and I some breakfast. My plan was to return upstairs afterwards for the photo op, showing 168 on the scale, that I could post to the blog and prove to all my readers that I actually did it.

What do you know? 169. Crap! I guess I’ll have to wait for another opportunity to snap the photo that goes along with my good news!

Ok, 100 down. Original goal met 1.5 months ahead of time. Now for the next 20. Onward! (and downward, ha ha!)